Communication is very important, especially when you are in a committed relationship, but you also need your own set of secret relationship decoders. This weekend J decided it was time for a heart-to-heart, and expressed her concern to “advice me”, hoping I would follow the directions, asking me to stop writing about her not-so-secret love affair with food. She told me something along the lines of:
\"I do have a very particular set of skills,
skills I have acquired over a very long career.
If do not stop I will not look for you, I will not pursue you.
But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you,
...and I will kill you.\"
Apparently, my writing about her culinary escapades might make readers think of her as a sumo wrestler. But honestly, it took me a while to get the message, not because I wasn’t listening, or because I didn’t have her feelings in mind. It was just that I was busily crafting omelets and brewing coffee. So, after such lovely “advice” this next adventure will expose the importance of speaking the same language and communication.
Cracking the Code of Love.
Remember the good old days of dating, when your friend's interrogation involved questions about hotness and money?
Your friends:
Is she hot? Is she smart? How smart? (Being smart code for tits)
Her friends:
What he does of a living? (code for: can he provide?)
Well, the game has evolved. Now, it’s no longer just about being hot and smart. Now, you need to crack the code of the five love languages.
Love Languages
Spoiler alert: being bilingual won’t save you.
J asked me last weekend what was my language.
Euskera, Spanish, English.- I said,
No, you silly - she replied. - what is your love language?
Love language? Yep, the not-so-scientific yet wildly popular “theory” that claims to unravel the mysteries of relationships. Now, let’s break down these love languages, shall we?
Words of Affirmation:
Imagine you’re the lead in a rom-com, the so-famous “You Complete Me” is so last season; Now, it’s all about \"You’re the avocado to my toast\". So, if your partner’s love language is Words of Affirmation, they crave actions that scream, \"I care!\" So, what do you do? (I made dinner.)
Remember, the quickest way to J’s heart is surgery, and I’m still mastering the art of dissecting frogs so I’m taking a detour through her stomach.
Why? Because J had lunch with her friends. I had to step up my game to compete for her attention. I’m not one to be outdone by a bunch of lunch ladies; No, sir, I refuse to be the side dish when I can be the main course. I may not have the finesse of a Michelin-star chef, but I’ve got determination. Also, I agreed to cook for her naked.
PS: I casually slipped into the conversation that I like adventure sports.
PS 2: I said adventure sports, not extreme sports.
Act of Service:
John F. Kennedy's legendary inaugural address, where he passionately declared,
\"Ask not what your country can do for you – ask what you can do for your country.\"
This is what I call a noble act of service. But forget saving the nation; in the riveting sequel and swapping the grandeur of JFK's moment with the caffeinated urgency of a morning routine, let me present J’s adaptation:
\"Is my coffee ready yet?
And it’s not just coffee; it’s a sacred potion that transforms a sleepy zombie into a functioning member of our society.
Gifts:
Self explanatory. Money doesn’t buy Love but you better buy her something nice. Love is like investing in cryptocurrency, is invisible, and intangible, and you don’t even know how much it is worth or when you can cash out. Love is the Bitcoin of the heart—a fluctuating market where the value is as unpredictable as why your girlfriend is angry at you. A digital currency that left wondering if you’ll wake up a romantic millionaire or just broke with a bunch of virtual hearts.
As V's Day approaches is time to invest in emotional stock and buy something nice. Miss the Valentine's Day deadline, and she might as well be shouting \"Sell! Sell!\"
Quality Time
The art of undivided attention it’s not merely about focusing on avoiding a distraction that might waltze into your line of sight. No, no! When a captivating \"object\" and her friends, jump into your field of vision, it’s not just about averting your gaze; it’s about activating your superpower of \"selective blindness\" showcasing your uncanny ability to resist the charm of other women.
Undivided attention and meaningful interactions are like extracurricular activities at school: cook, clean, fuck, and shut the fuck up.
Physical Touch:
(Cue the romantic soundtrack “I’m too Sexy” Hit play here for the full effect)
Hold my taco – Physical Touch, my supposed forte. Or so I thought. NOPE, apparently … By physical Touch, they meant, demonstrating affection with the Triple H: (Holding Hands and Hugs) What kind of perv do they think I am?
Mastering code is undeniably crucial, but I initially believed it was confined to the binary world and start-ups. Turns out, you need to be a decoding maestro to navigate the intricate terrain of relationships.
Consider this my attempt to waltz through the linguistic adventure and stay true to my promise without a single mention of food. Now, if you’ll pardon my swift exit, lunchtime is on the horizon.
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