Greeting, Resolution Renegades!
As we say Adieu, Adios, Agur, Aloha, Auf Wiedersehen, Ciao Ciao, Sayonara, Shalom, and Goodbye to 2023, the year of post-pandemic weirdness.
It’s that time of year again when we all pretend we’re going to transform into super-humans overnight. It’s time also to reflect on the promises we made to ourselves, and abandoned immediately.
Be honest, some of you have broken those promises faster than a politician is backpedaling on his campaign pledges.
Resolutions are like trying to fold a fitted sheet—everyone tries but in the end, everyone quits. Is like asking J to wake up early in the morning, it’s practically a tradition at this point, but I know is destined to fail.
What is the core issue with Resolutions then?
They’re like blockbuster movies with no plot.
In 'Toy Story, for example, Buzz believed he was a space ranger and not a toy. Then, how did he know how to freeze when humans were around?
2. They’re vague and destined to disappoint as well.
\"I want to lose 30 pounds\"—okay, but when and how?
It’s like trying to follow a recipe that only says, \"Cook until done.\"
Thanks, Captain Obvious!
So, as we are approaching 2024, I’m reflecting on my last year’s miserable failure. \"Smile more and be a nicer person”. In my defense, I have to say some of y’all are fucking annoying. If annoyance were a workout, I’d have a six-pack by now.
I also promised not to argue with morons online? I broke that faster than Pete Davison breaks with his girlfriend and finds a new one.
Let’s face it, New Year’s Resolutions are like movie sequels: highly anticipated, full of promises, and usually a colossal letdown. I mean, who actually loses 30 pounds without a detailed plan? It’s like expecting a Marvel movie without a post-credits scene – it just doesn’t happen.
So, this year, I’ve decided to craft a resolution as unique as a Tarantino film.
My goal? To be more inclusive. I will try to equally offend everyone. Dwarf, Blondes, and Catholics regardless of Age, Race, or Faith. Comedy has no limits. Unless you are a Muslim… dealing with bombing, on stage, or otherwise, is no joke.
May your 2024 be filled with laughter, questionable decisions, and resolutions so flexible they could join the circus. Cheers to a year that’s more comedy than drama. After all, life’s too short to take New Year’s Resolutions or my Jokes seriously.
Happy New Year!
Zorionak and Urte Barri On!
Comments
Post a Comment